An Unexpected Change of Plans

It was yesterday, Saturday afternoon, about five p.m.  My wife and I had a date last night.  It had been a very busy and stressful week.  Her mother had had foot surgery - not "major" in the sense of life-threatening, but certainly significant.  She was still in the hospital, recovering.  Our youngest had been dealing with exams all week (not exactly pleasant around the house!); I was scrambling to juggle several work challenges.  So I was truly looking forward to our date.

At about 5:30, my wife came downstairs and said, "My mom has had a really bad day.  I've got to go out and see her.  I'll be back in about an hour."  An hour came and went.  At 7:00 pm, I got a text message: "I'm going to have to stay with her tonight.  Please bring me out some dinner later."

No!  I texted her back: "You're kidding, right?"  We had a brief exchange, and it was clear.  She wasn't kidding, she was going to spend the evening at the hospital with her mother, our date was off.  No!  I was so looking forward to our date.  I had worked so hard all day and all week.  I had made special plans for us.

After about 15 minutes, my mood changed.  I was furious!  I slammed around the house, told the girls we needed to go get something to eat, and to take two cars because one of us was going to have to take things out to mom.  My eldest helped pull together her mom's overnight things, and, still fuming, we headed out to dinner.

We ordered Mom's dinner and started to chat about how to deal with the evening.  I thought that, perhaps, I could go out to the hospital and spend some time there.  Then I remembered that I had promised to clean carpets in a couple of rooms before guests came tomorrow.  Well, I could do that tonight and my daughter could take the food and clothes to mom.  That would work - we'd all get to do something needed, and I'd get something done unexpectedly early in the process.

But I still wasn't happy.  In fact, I was downright moody and grumpy.  It looked like something productive was going to come out of the evening, but I still wasn't happy.

We finished dinner and headed off in our different directions.  It felt like things might work out.  Not exactly as initially planned but, you know, okay.  I got the carpet cleaning equipment, did my work, and, all in all, dealt reasonably well with our unexpected change of plans.

This morning, it hit me. I had experienced a classic case of "Negative Resistance to Change."  Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Testing, and Acceptance.  All within a two hour period.  (I must acknowledge, as always, that much of my Change Management training came via Daryl Conner, author of "Managing at the Speed of Change."  This model is discussed in detail in his book.  In turn, it is closely related, literally, to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's classic "Stages of Grief" model.  Daryl and Dr. Kubler-Ross collaborated at one point.  In my own defense, I have developed a few ideas things of my own along the way.)

My change was relatively minor, and so I traveled the various stages quite quickly.  The bigger the change, the more negative the perception, the longer it takes to reach acceptance.

No matter how long you have been doing something, it's nice to get reassurance that you're doing it right.  I had that happen last night - and it was completely outside a business context.